halo for the thousands time

initially i was a kind of creature that knows everything what i want or precisely being so decisive myself all the time. but now severely im drained out by the hustle and bustle of the city. it has been so long since i was thrilled to go on surfing on the internet and updating my blog. now due to my inaptness and insuitability of time, dragging me to the point where i couldnt even moved anymore, in actuality makes me round the bend. all the meals startin to rotten off and all the drinks startin to dehydrated by the slurps of all the army of the ants.

sincerely i've been missing all the split second wherever i became so inspired and stirred. i want to moved on with my life and just left my highschool life behind. college life would be easier because im not just dealing with new academics stages but most importantly i will be surrounded by grown-ups or we all known as the adults.

eventhough at some point i will said it to myself how i missed being 17 again somewhere in the late twenties but really its crucial.

although i wasnt as badass as all my words and terminology in here but im really felt rebellious and couldnt help it anymore. day after day after day after day, i woke up and glugs into my coffee drinks cant stand and literally i cant wait to getaway from all this immensely intensed life. there is no theories from any brainer have said that we cant reached up our goal in life and apparently my life now is going to the correct or false path i dont even know.

next year would be utterly different. i mean in terms of my life, my moving-on thing and family and where im going so completely unparalelled with my life right now. i was planning to save up some $$$$$ until the point where i have enough money to go into limkokwing. but my dad insisted me to go to uitm. he said that it would be more guaranteed to be in there. otherwise i have always wanted to go to matrix but seriously that wasnt a good idea since im a nerves-wreck myself,i dont think i could handle that much of stressness in there. going into form6 was the last thing i wana do since going back to highschool was a fucked up idea. but all i ever wanted is somewhere place that is safe for my brain and myself to stay. my mom said that she willing to pay as much as the cost to cover my plkn offer but i said no because that would be absurd and at some time i will going to that shitty programme anyway.

i have stopped reading nowadays. either from my random and blunt novels or my favourite ones. oh bummer! this year really have been like 5 years packed in one year kinda feeling.

my wish was wanted to go to anywhere that would except all my creativity and endourance thoughts are seems inevitable. all are no chances to happen. i wanted to design.

a lists of name in my life have inspired me, really i couldnt thank more to those people.

i think i am more settled when im not trying to be the oppostie me. i had myself too much of hypocrisy. why? because im being surrounded by ones.

my brain couldnt work anymore or soon i think i'll be brain-dead. i have dealing with examinations too much already that i am so squeezed up from all my brain juices. my wrinkles are starting to show off and my oh-so-adorable atittude are no longer around. he was not there anymore.

for now, within a few months all i wanted to reached is couple of goals and bascially:
-i really wanted to get straight 11A's (doesnt matter how many a1's i will have)
-i wanted to make my parents as happy as they could when they're seing my spm result for the first time
-began to smile again because i forget when was the last time i smiled
-listening to more Paul Auster and Anne Rice notions in their books
-seriously trying to achieved getting an A for my additional maths subject
-get the fuck hell outta that shitty school
-start collecting and saving money
-have my own laptop and new phone please
-i want my family to be seven again not eight or nine!
-go to college go to college go to college go to college go to college
-achieved whatsoever im wishing for

but for now i wanted to enjoy my holidays as possible as i can and try to get more ampau's :)

S.O.S

okay this time im not fooling around anymore but i have

37 MORE DAYS (without weekends)

and

53 MORE DAYS (overall counted days)

damn!!!!! (grabbing a book)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri :)

Although it hasnt been so sweet & beautiful for me this moments

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Even when you have more than enough with the support and love you've received

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Though your companions are more or less than what you have in your mind now

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But the most strongest love you will ever get will never get anymore stroger than this

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your family

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Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri dan Maaf Zahir Batin =)

"tu na ba yang puple tu.."

oh i dont have my baju raya yet and everyone wants to sponsor me one. but lets spent about rm500+ in my authentics attire?

so about your blog?

let me see. my 93 % of my side saying i shouldnt keep it and another 5% said i should and another 2% i dont know whats it said,so i dont know la. maybe i should start to write a journal? oh no yuck that is so Paul Auster in Oracle Night. maybe i will give it a shot about couple of days after i finishd exams, if i have something to write about i will keep it. if nothing and more issues about people, i dont think so.

paper and clips

try to be honest people, its not cool. you're not Carrie Bradshoppe. your face lookd similar with my garabages that i couldnt disposed becuase of the hazardous effect it would gave me. you're not green anymore. you're turning black. laugh all you can. you have your day now. september i hate you. i want december now. maybe i need te swallow 250mg of phropofol every 3 hours just like mj and pretend to be like nothing happen.

my sisters from johor are coming back day after tomorrow. i cant wait.

"apparently my friends are in jeopardy"

yes, another dilemma regarding with my friends. well not really but you know fortunately im a type of person that aware of my surroundings. and when it comes to my friends, i know it all whats the difference they've become..

"..people's changed?" one of my friend said..

"..maybe they want their own privacy?" another one murmured..

"or they just really dumping you?" another small voice whispered me..

so just like what my principle in my life.. prepare for your biggest disappointment day in your life.. somehow in my life (so far), i havent met the most regretful things iv done and i really felt so remorse about it..not yet.. so im pretty prepared with that day..its coming, i know..

spm? well since my last posts i kept saying that im so over it..yeah i do..miserably i have put expections to high for my own standards..so what if im facing with failure for my result? give up? fed up? or just suicidal would be ideal?

i want a good sweet holiday.. one whole 24 hours day would be great..i need to ease myself with all this chaos and hectic life..hows my life really measured? good question..probably through my strong sensitivity or my implausibly amazing thaughts or opinions..or maybe my friends..

"well you have more friends than i do ,though"once iv said to a friend..

"dont worry" i told that to myself..

sooner or later, they will know.. your friends will know.. although im now sounded a little unappretiative and unthankful with my life.. i have great friends really.. and they just so supportive to me in so many ways and in fact i love them. but maybe i dont have the same stories like any other teenager iv observed before.. great sleep-over and amazing shopping hunt or cool games to discussed about. i dont mind really..

what will i do? i dont know? i will let them see the real thing later. regretful? not yet. sooner than later,you'll feel me.

disappointed? no. not yet.

maybe. just maybe i am feeling a little thwarted.

raya is coming soon.

still remember the last couple of post that iv said that im so excited to start my puasa? now im getting near to the end of the month. how time moved so fast?

i couldnt wait for my time with my family.

cause..

all my sisters had turned into a workaholic.. they dont have time to gather around like we used to. my parents? well dont mentioned it..

plus..

all my sisters have their own significant other now.. busy making out and pampering their oh-so-annoying-boyfriendsssss..except one,still searching..mingle all around..

maybe im looking at the dark side? maybe i do because i always did that. oh i need a burger. somewhat i know that i have strong instinct. and now it appear that my instinct would say i will have a greater life soon..not now..so i can be someone new..

i love open happiness..

when everyone shares their happy moments to each other? even they dont know each other?

well maybe because we are asian? thats why we became so arrogant of ourselves? well look at the high school somewhere in foreign countries..they dont mind with all this stuffs..because they just became one group..not two or more..advice? get over yourself? apparently my friends are in jeopardy..

woah..iv nothing to say kan? my post are all blunt and pointless..

shit..