one day, two days

hello everyone, although this might not be a perfect time to post in my blog but this is pretty much a perfect time for me since i have some times to spare..little one..

since in the early of this year iv been tremendously scared by the fact that im going to face the most implausible and indesputed and mind-numbing matter in my life which is my exams..although everything started so smoothly when all my friends and family are together supporting and encouraging me to do better but things are not always like we have in mind..friends are not always like what we have in mind..i thaught at first iv met the most astonishing friends in my life but apparently im not accurate enough to make all the prediction in my future...

first and for most...

i am sorry and apologetic to each and everyone of you....

im sorry for all the mistakes iv done and all the inappropriate actions iv took before your eyes..

i want to start over..where all my friends are really loyal and honest to me...believe me people honesty is a hardcore yet a pure magical thing we'll have better than mendacious...

i know next year and so on will be one of the first few years of my life that i'll struggling to hell to get over with but i know it'll be the best...it looks like im being so insensitive and simply dont care about whatever stuff im supposed to deal with but truthfully im just haldf-dead in the inside already...

my hardwork....

my determination...

just wishing to pay off...

still wishing...

god is the caused for everything that makes me in this perfect circumstance and brilliant brain He gave to me...my parents goes after since they have been pulling their last strings of nerves in their body to make whatever they could to make me happy...my tuition teacher,Mdm. Mary Ann is the best since she makes me turns gaga about add maths...she teached me like no other...and my school teachers too,they rocked :)

thee incomparably and inevitably gianormous incredible friends, in school and anywhere else they have been the greatest influenced in my life..

i couldnt named them cz they're everywhere..thank you very much for ur kindness...

although its way too late to say sorry but i think i could make up some times to do that..

to anyone that ever felt regreted for being my friend, im sorry for that but iv tried my best...

before stepping to a new world i would want ur blessings and wishes me good lucks, those are foremost..

before starting over like high school again, i would wana forgove each and everyone of u and remember instead of forget..

nevertheless, to you people that have put my life upside down (in a good way) thanks for that even to u people that i dont know...

before im going to take my separation between u guys, again im sorry for everything...

before i will leave u guys from high school,again i wana thanks to u guys...

thanks for ur intelligentness and amazing life-work that i have with u guys..for the last time,if i could ever start to blog again..adios and assalamualaikum :) take care..i love you guys..

halo for the thousands time

initially i was a kind of creature that knows everything what i want or precisely being so decisive myself all the time. but now severely im drained out by the hustle and bustle of the city. it has been so long since i was thrilled to go on surfing on the internet and updating my blog. now due to my inaptness and insuitability of time, dragging me to the point where i couldnt even moved anymore, in actuality makes me round the bend. all the meals startin to rotten off and all the drinks startin to dehydrated by the slurps of all the army of the ants.

sincerely i've been missing all the split second wherever i became so inspired and stirred. i want to moved on with my life and just left my highschool life behind. college life would be easier because im not just dealing with new academics stages but most importantly i will be surrounded by grown-ups or we all known as the adults.

eventhough at some point i will said it to myself how i missed being 17 again somewhere in the late twenties but really its crucial.

although i wasnt as badass as all my words and terminology in here but im really felt rebellious and couldnt help it anymore. day after day after day after day, i woke up and glugs into my coffee drinks cant stand and literally i cant wait to getaway from all this immensely intensed life. there is no theories from any brainer have said that we cant reached up our goal in life and apparently my life now is going to the correct or false path i dont even know.

next year would be utterly different. i mean in terms of my life, my moving-on thing and family and where im going so completely unparalelled with my life right now. i was planning to save up some $$$$$ until the point where i have enough money to go into limkokwing. but my dad insisted me to go to uitm. he said that it would be more guaranteed to be in there. otherwise i have always wanted to go to matrix but seriously that wasnt a good idea since im a nerves-wreck myself,i dont think i could handle that much of stressness in there. going into form6 was the last thing i wana do since going back to highschool was a fucked up idea. but all i ever wanted is somewhere place that is safe for my brain and myself to stay. my mom said that she willing to pay as much as the cost to cover my plkn offer but i said no because that would be absurd and at some time i will going to that shitty programme anyway.

i have stopped reading nowadays. either from my random and blunt novels or my favourite ones. oh bummer! this year really have been like 5 years packed in one year kinda feeling.

my wish was wanted to go to anywhere that would except all my creativity and endourance thoughts are seems inevitable. all are no chances to happen. i wanted to design.

a lists of name in my life have inspired me, really i couldnt thank more to those people.

i think i am more settled when im not trying to be the oppostie me. i had myself too much of hypocrisy. why? because im being surrounded by ones.

my brain couldnt work anymore or soon i think i'll be brain-dead. i have dealing with examinations too much already that i am so squeezed up from all my brain juices. my wrinkles are starting to show off and my oh-so-adorable atittude are no longer around. he was not there anymore.

for now, within a few months all i wanted to reached is couple of goals and bascially:
-i really wanted to get straight 11A's (doesnt matter how many a1's i will have)
-i wanted to make my parents as happy as they could when they're seing my spm result for the first time
-began to smile again because i forget when was the last time i smiled
-listening to more Paul Auster and Anne Rice notions in their books
-seriously trying to achieved getting an A for my additional maths subject
-get the fuck hell outta that shitty school
-start collecting and saving money
-have my own laptop and new phone please
-i want my family to be seven again not eight or nine!
-go to college go to college go to college go to college go to college
-achieved whatsoever im wishing for

but for now i wanted to enjoy my holidays as possible as i can and try to get more ampau's :)

S.O.S

okay this time im not fooling around anymore but i have

37 MORE DAYS (without weekends)

and

53 MORE DAYS (overall counted days)

damn!!!!! (grabbing a book)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri :)

Although it hasnt been so sweet & beautiful for me this moments

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Even when you have more than enough with the support and love you've received

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Though your companions are more or less than what you have in your mind now

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But the most strongest love you will ever get will never get anymore stroger than this

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your family

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Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri dan Maaf Zahir Batin =)

"tu na ba yang puple tu.."

oh i dont have my baju raya yet and everyone wants to sponsor me one. but lets spent about rm500+ in my authentics attire?

so about your blog?

let me see. my 93 % of my side saying i shouldnt keep it and another 5% said i should and another 2% i dont know whats it said,so i dont know la. maybe i should start to write a journal? oh no yuck that is so Paul Auster in Oracle Night. maybe i will give it a shot about couple of days after i finishd exams, if i have something to write about i will keep it. if nothing and more issues about people, i dont think so.

paper and clips

try to be honest people, its not cool. you're not Carrie Bradshoppe. your face lookd similar with my garabages that i couldnt disposed becuase of the hazardous effect it would gave me. you're not green anymore. you're turning black. laugh all you can. you have your day now. september i hate you. i want december now. maybe i need te swallow 250mg of phropofol every 3 hours just like mj and pretend to be like nothing happen.

my sisters from johor are coming back day after tomorrow. i cant wait.